"Second, you must answer as honestly as possible. Are you comfortable doing your own things sometimes? Life will fucking punch you in the stomach sometimes. This was a big thing with me and my ex. Work together to make it happen! Fun questions are not only a great way to start a conversation with your boyfriend. Find out how much debt that person has and share your info as well. Not just pot and the like, but smoking and alcohol, too. Kids. But it's always important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. "If you have been with your partner for a while then you can absolutely revisit old topics," Klapow says. What would they do differently, if they could go back in time? When pimple-like bumps or boils start showing up in areas where skin rubs together, you may question what’s going on with your body. There are many interesting topics that boys love to speak about, and they are not all that hard to find. Are each of us prepared to give more when the other person is only able to give less? Next month is our 25th anniversary and we’re in the process of getting a divorce. I mean, know before you dive at least so you can adjust your expectations. Thank God.”. But I really love the suburbs I grew up in and wouldn’t mind living there forever. After spending a lot of time with your girlfriend and discussing deep subjects, sometimes it can be that you don’t know what to say. I’d want to know as soon as possible beforehand if we are sexually compatible. See what you have in common and what you totally disagree on. Sex… How often do you each want it? Kids. Click here. Also discuss if you want to rent or buy. I’ve recently learned of cluster B personality disorders, which includes narcissism, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. What types? Bring it all to the surface, and see where the conversation leads. But I know he would have written that down had we done that simple exercise. Please note: This quiz is not meant to diagnose patients with HS. This could be a major point of contention if you don’t figure it out ahead of time.”. Leisure You can’t just have sex whenever you’re bored. Vacation fund? How much space are you willing to give each other? What if you won fifty-thousand dollars? We talked about how to achieve that and we did that before paying off his student loans. My ex’s parents had a terrible work ethic and literally nothing in the bank. 1. What if our son has trouble making friends? “What are the plans for when things get rough? ", So, when the mood is right, share your biggest mistakes and missed opportunities with each other, and it might just open the door to some pretty heartfelt discussions. “Make sure the person wants to marry you, too. Here are a few tips for a productive conversation: 1. What if I am? If we aren’t talking about our day, we discuss the news, send each other memes and videos, and talk about the current pop culture. you can scorch the earth and win the fight! Take heed of the advice from others below that was found on, Unique Holiday Gifts from Thought Catalog , 18 People Share The One Crushing Secret They’re Keeping From Their Significant Other, The 5 Most Important Pieces Of Relationship Advice, 39 Discussions Every Couple Needs To Have Before Getting Married, 11 Happily Married People Give Their Brutally Honest Advice For Folks Who Want LTRs, The 20 Most Important Things To Know About Marriage Before You Get Engaged, According To Happily Married People, My 89-Year-Old Grandma Taught Me How To Be Single. When do you plan to start? "Find a provocative quotation and discuss your separate interpretations," Dr. Marlene Caroselli, an author and speaker, tells Bustle. Because…well, at that point, their partner is stuck dealing with it. This kind of conversation isn’t easy, but marriage is (supposed to be) kind of a big deal. "Find a new hobby to enjoy together," Stef Safran, a relationship expert, tells Bustle. Career. So I’m rushing to live as fast as I can. "First, you must ask deep and dark questions — try to get the real secrets out of someone," he says. How many would you find ideal, and when? Be very certain, you both like fucking to the same degree. So no kids for a few years. Things that you will never think to ask will come up. You’ll find that most people will have at least some things to say about each of these topics. "Reading a book together or watching a movie and then having mindful conversations surrounding your thoughts about it can be a great way to connect and talk about something other than the day-to-day," she says. Hobbies? Can’t talk to customer service? Here is the best collection of 101 things to talk about with your girlfriend in 2019. Stick to topics that she seems happy to talk … Also when she stuck by me as I got really sick with an incurable disease really helped me understand that this it’s the woman that I want to marry and spend the rest of my days living, arguing, traveling, and fighting with. adopt? How big do you want yours to be? No sarcasm (for the love of God, no sarcasm). “What do you want to happen after you die? These are your run of the mill, first meeting someone, topics to talk about. I’m a wedding DJ. Not saying it’s impossible but lesser risks means lesser arguments as you know what to expect and how to handle situations. Maybe you want kids but your main aspiration is making a large impact on the world. Circumstances in which pregnancy could/should be terminated? Another way to break out of a conversation rut is by trying to make each other laugh, Risa Williams, LMFT, a therapist and life coach, tells Bustle. How much ‘allowance’ will you each get? And finally, can we communicate things to each other as we go? Our financial plan is to always keep our family’s needs under my husband’s income. Read The Five Love Languages, he told us. Your conversations may not always be interesting, exciting, or meaningful… but they strengthen your relationship nonetheless, and that’s the most important thing! Do you trust the person, and do they trust you, to have some say in each other’s financial decisions? where do you spend which holidays? All rights reserved. Decide how you handle conflict. Do you have any secrets that could end up with us featured on the 11 o’clock news or Who the Fuck Did I Marry?! “Figure out who is paying the bills (not covering the cost, I mean literally sending off the check) and if you want a joint account to do that. Once it’s all out of the way (assuming you know marriage is the right choice) you’ll be glad.”, Like most young adults getting married for the first time, it never occurred to me to do this, and if my fiancé had brought it up, I’d probably have battled with injured feelings and doubt, but even if neither of you have a dime starting out, and even if you can’t imagine money ever being a point of contention between you, the fact remains that financial issues are one of the primary precursors to divorce, and you’ll be doing yourselves and any children (existing or potential) involved a big favor by ruling it out from the get-go.”, “How much time do you want to spend with each other? Or should all problems be resolved directly with your spouse. Political differences? Have your physical symptoms, such as sores, wounds, or pain, impacted your lifestyle or mental outlook? But it's always important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. It's important to talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have. Do you want them? This is a topic you should be chatting about regularly, to make sure you're both happy and on the same page. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Major differences are possible red flags in marriage. So you gotta figure out whether you both really affirmatively enjoy having sex with each other and can maintain a high enough frequency over time, or whether one of you is just humoring the other one until they’re trapped.”, “What do they consider cheating? I’d also like to know their stance on cheating—it’s a deal breaker for me, and would make me think twice about tying myself to this person for life if they have a ‘flexible’ view on this kind of thing. “Kids—do you want children or not? What's bothering them? Your SO might have a former partner who is prone to causing personal and professional havoc in their lives, whom they don’t know how to deal with, but honestly don’t want to have sabotaging their new relationship. Or perhaps you want to travel with your spouse for a few years before settling down. When you are talking about sex, you are opening the door to your vulnerability, and when this is out on the table, it makes you that much closer. Financials: expectations, direction you plan to go together and ho you’ll do it. What do you think about those people? In the last 6 months, have these bumps reappeared 3 or more times? Where do you want to live? "Maybe pick a question or two a day," she says, "and really explore them together. Find out all the costs first. Is there a long-time good friend who, despite having their positive qualities, has gotten your SO in trouble through their (the friend’s) drug use? What if one of us loses our job and we have to move to a small apartment that doesn’t have air conditioning? So go ahead and get real. What do you love that they don’t get? Here are 100 things to talk about with your boyfriend. Stability Not much of a question if you are in for a life of hunting and gathering or a person with great survival skills. I spent a lot time helping my ex to learn to be financially responsible and prepare for the future. What are your deal breakers? Then get asked why I don’t get in the middle of things, to me these people are acquaintances and nothing more. What if I do? We’ve got ideas to help your family grow. It's like truth or dare... without the dare part.". What if you get a hobby that takes you away every weekend? Every woman thinks about romance differently. What if your father left your mother when she had cancer and your mother was alone? “You should ask a thousand questions to someone you’re going to marry. Long-term personal goals for accomplishments and what support will be required there (aka, don’t spring it on your husband 2 years into marriage that you’ve always wanted to hike the blue ridge parkway so buck up buster, it’s happening. What if I think our kids would do better in private school? Finances—bill payments, family/joint vs. individual accounts, tax filing, rent/mortgage payments, etc. I had clients who got married in Sept 2015 and are already divorced because he was a staunch Republican Trump supporter and she was a free-spirited liberal Bernie or bust. But it's also fun to share your fantasies, especially if you've never talked about them before. Here are 46 topics and questions to discuss with your boyfriend or girlfriend so you never run out of things to talk about ever again. When you talk to her about your dreams, your girl will also open up about her visions, dreams, and passions. Handling potentially major shocks like kid coming out, failing out of college, being an unexpected prodigy? Ask about heroes, or people or things that influence your partner, including family members, favorite authors, political figures, etc. Finances, people we had dated, former pregnancies…everything. The best topic to talk/text about with your girlfriend; Just make sure the conversation doesn’t turn into an interview. “Not just whether you want kids, but how you plan to raise them. Have you ever heard the saying, ‘We fall in love by chance, we stay in love by choice’? Maybe you really wanna excel in your career. 100 Deep Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend Find out how compatible you and your boyfriend are by having a question/answer session with deep questions that will help you both learn more about each other. Chances are h… However, it can cause a huge wedge in relationships. “Unrealistic expectations of social events are one thing me and my wife argue about. It’s not sexy but it’s important. My fiancée earns nearly twice what I do, but says she wants to be a stay at home mom until the youngest is 10-12 years old. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. maybe your SO likes Dr. Phil, but you have an Xbox and headphones and they’re okay with that.) "But, a person’s greatest regret in life can reveal a lot about them. Do you want to rent and invest money? Can’t run an errand? Keep these deep conversation topics in mind the next time you and your girlfriend take a long drive, share a romantic dinner, or stay up talking all night. What would they like to work on in your relationship? My husband is terrible at remembering to pay bills so I took that over. Marriages go through ups and downs. ", Life can certainly feel monotonous when you're following the same schedule day in and day out. You don’t want to have a racist partner who says he respects you but mocks your people. Even if it’s not for health/religion reasons? I’m the queen of random and dumb questions, so we don’t usually run out of topics to talk with my boyfriend. I wasn’t raised to believe in religion, and I’m not planning to raise my kids any differently, so it would potentially be an issue if it wasn’t sorted out early. What would that hobby be? Have you ever played the question game? If it sounds ripped from a Nicholas Sparks novel… fuckin’ run, man.”, “Anything to do with pre-nups, kids, and where do you see yourself in 30 years.”. Do you want to be buried or cremated? We aren’t allowed to call each other names, for example. Are you both fulfilled? Of course, it's OK to say no and to keep secrets to yourself, if that's what you'd prefer to do. I had no idea that my husband wanted a workshop until we finally started making good money. Should we get married? Has anyone in your family been diagnosed with HS or experienced HS symptoms? I know a lot of millennials want to rent and live in the city. Feeling overworked, overwhelmed, and unappreciated in your relationship will kill it as quickly as anything else.”, “How you would handle a sick (physical or mental) child. Sexual Preferences and Orientation You must establish your sexual preferences before getting married. What if we had a baby who wouldn’t stop crying? You can’t be sensitive since you have to give space and you can’t be insensitive since this will involve your kids. If you both like the same stuff, that’s always better. 101 Things to Talk About with Your Girlfriend. If you'd like to chat about fun things, here are a few ways to strike up a conversation with your partner, even if it feels like you've already talked about everything. What’s important to you? Outlook in Life Clarify that you are mostly in accordance of each other’s outlook in life. "The thing about money is that it’s the type of conversation you can keep having and it never gets stale, especially as you begin reaching new milestones in your life," Andrea Woroch, a finance and budgeting expert, tells Bustle. Are there conflicts? Can you afford it? Can I trust you with my feelings? In the car? Money? We have been married for 22 years FTW!”. — and discuss. I haven’t known them my entire life, so it’s hard to get excited about seeing people I don’t have much in common with.”. It was important to me to see how she handled it and the decisions that she made because there are always going to be times when you both are under tremendous pressure. Your husband / wife’s satisfaction is a top importance to your relationship’s longevity. This is a topic you should be chatting about regularly, ... All of that said, don't feel pressured to talk 24/7, if you (or your partner) don't want to. In those first years, you’ll think ‘I’ll never ever be that upset with you’ and the idea of needing help from an outside source seems ludicrous. If you can't shake the nagging feeling you've "run out of things to say," Munro says it's often a sign you're keeping your cards too close to your chest, and not letting each other in. If either of you feels stuck in life or in your relationship, going back to school or making a career change might be just what you need to feel inspired again. The idea is to have a back and forth. Can’t recognize mold on bread? Do you need both partners to be the same religion? Since you are communicating with your friends at different locations, there will be weather differences around. Inability to control emotions. Do these symptoms appear near your inner thighs, armpits, chest, groin, or buttocks? If one of you is still in school or planning on pursuing a master’s or Ph.D. or something, you really need to sort this out to figure out financials. "This question can help you learn a lot more about your partner and the people who shaped their life," Bennett says. Talk to Your Boyfriend Like He's Your Friend. ", You might also turn it into ritual to answer one night a week while eating dinner, as a way of checking in and reconnecting. Although this is like Pandora’s Box and you don’t really want to open the subject, in case you are looking for funny things to talk about with your boyfriend, this should be on the top of your list. How often do you watch a show together, then turn off the TV and go your separate ways? All of that said, don't feel pressured to talk 24/7, if you (or your partner) don't want to. Do you want to rent and just blow all your money? Do you think I’m a good person? It's totally OK to let topics come up naturally, to chat about the weather, or to simply sit quietly and enjoy each other's company. But instead of finding out where your boyfriend wants to settle down, you can find out what type of vacation your boyfriend likes. Religion—I’m not religious at all, and I prefer to know my potential husband would be on the same wavelength. Do you like pets, what kind and how many do you want to have? What if my mom doesn’t like you? When you meet up again, you'll both have plenty to discuss. Do you like to go camping or clubbing? “Are you my friend? Why do you think people decide to be vegetarian? Once you know the important conversations to have, you can determine the best approach for having these talks. Are you the kind of person who will move for a job, or will we both only seek job opportunities where we are now? For example, we have a deal that anything over $100 that doesn’t include groceries or normal expected bills (i.e., mortgage) has to be run by the other first for approval. Also, I would say religion. Expectations for working or staying home with child(s)? I wanted to know how she reached to the stress, as I have always been a person who gets to the airport 3 hours early. Biggest one I can tell you to discuss. Can you deal with it the rest of your life? I plan to eventually go back to work again, but our goal is to always use my income for “whipped cream”- the things we want but don’t need (private education, vacations, etc.). Buy the Art of Conversation Card Game and pick topics off the cards to talk about. Do you want to try something new? I rather adopt than do it with someone else. Not only will this be exciting to talk about, but it will help to connect you closer. Things to talk about on FaceTime 1. Will you be there for me? What if we meet a great new couple we really like, but the guy flirts with me? It was a stressful time and if I didn’t know how my husband would react beforehand, it would’ve been more stressful.”. Start with the 36 questions that lead to love, from The New York Times. Maybe he wants to fix up a car. If you can compromise and start to imagine growing old with this person, take my advice: In a small notebook, write down everything you love about this person. If that’s the case, it could be an issue and I’d want to know sooner than later. What habits, experiences or events led to any noteworthy problems in the past? There will be moments of silence in your relationship, as well as moments of great conversation and deeper discussions. Extended familial involvement? IN EACH AREA home, family, personal, professional- those goals change, talk about them yearly.”, “Where do you want to live? Pets… Do you want any? Talk about what if he loses his job. Many women like to be surprised, and others like to be swept off their feet. “Do you want children? if neither of you are active do they intend to start attending worship in the future? When your conversation turns into an interrogation, stop. “Be as patient and loving as you can, but you need to know where each other stands on some things and how firmly. Life Skills Are you sure you want to marry someone who can’t even cook an egg? Fess up to your embarrassing moments, whether they happened five minutes ago, or five years ago, Leina Rodriguez, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. What didn't? What if your mom doesn’t like me? She didn’t read it until I decided to see him on my own and he asked me to ask her to come in on her own. General Future Goals. I think the single most important question you can ask—and it can’t be while you’re fighting or otherwise angry or distressed—is, ‘Why do you want to marry me?’, If the answer is genuine and makes you happy, you will probably have a good marriage. It’s shocking, but there are people who think proposals are legitimate surprises, as in it’s never been discussed and you asking ‘will you marry me’ isn’t a guaranteed ‘yes’ ’cause you did it before. “I’m gonna say religion (everything else I thought of has already been said). Because really, who doesn't love game night? It creates trust and it pre-empts problems, and just as importantly it stops those little irritants from lingering until they suddenly become horrible, bitter arguments.”. It's also OK to talk about the same thing more than once. Find a balance between the three, don't force it, and chances are you'll never run out of things to say. As Munro says, the "noise inside your head" can be quite interesting. I think the norm is for the partner with less interest in sex to stick it out until the marriage is finalized and then bring the frequency of intercourse down to their preferred level. "It’s fun to dream and get excited," Tcharkhoutian says. Since couples historically hate talking about money, chances are you haven't discussed finances lately — if at all. On that subject, and financially, what will we eat and how often will it be out versus at home? On some occasions, she’s really talkative and you can luckily just sit back and relax filling in the conversation with “yeah” and “uh-huh,” but other times you have to introduce a few new topics in order to get her to open up to you. She will talk about it only when she thinks you to be special. This is just a small sample of questions you should know the answer to before marrying someone.”. "The topics may not change, but your perspectives, your understanding of them, and how you see them as individuals and as a couple will.". Are there relatives one of you just can’t abide? Arguing… What is or isn’t acceptable? There’s a chance they only consider physical interaction cheating.”, “Myself and Wife 1.0 aired our dirty laundry to each other. These are only 34 of the thousands of things you can talk about with your boyfriend. But if you don't, it'll quickly turn into a battle of the wits. Deep Conversation Topics to Talk about with Your Girlfriend. 25 interesting topics to talk about. My spouse and I both left our hometown and then came back and plan to stay because our aging parents are here. Don’t compete with rabbits. Do you have any significant debt/bankruptcy/terrible credit stuff/student loans? By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Will you be there for me when I need you? Are you okay having a close friend that you can confide it and are you okay with your spouse having the same? These things have to be discussed many times and at length. “Politics. I show up but don’t really interact. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page. But I wanna advance in my career so I can provide my family with a steady income in their own house. Carrying over into the family section, are we going to be enjoying our time off, or traveling to visit family often that one of us may not enjoy seeing? what’s your monthly nut? If both of you agree to this, you can get through a lot of stuff that can otherwise kill a relationship. As Bennett says, "It can be a great way to be vulnerable with each other. You could start the conversation by talking about some xyz car or bike that you found interesting, leave it to the guy from there on. Talk About Physical Intimacy. Your answers indicate you’ve experienced symptoms commonly associated with HS. What if you hate your new job and want to quit without another one? If your religion is important to you, how could you possibly mesh with someone who disagrees with its core values? But, a conversation for a specific purpose is what makes more sense. retirement goal? So if that's what's happening, go with the flow. do they go to church/temple/mosque regularly or on the holidays or not at all? how old is your car and how important is it to replace? Now we are actively building an emergency fund that is much bigger than what we had before. This is one of the most commonly-avoided topics in long-term relationships prior to marriage. Again, we lucked out with family, but how will issues with relatives, especially elderly, disabled, troubled, etc. If he's a new boyfriend, asking fun questions to get to know him, is a good start. It's simple, since all it involves is (you guessed it!) Came in handy because after the wedding, I found out I have an autoimmune, Sjögren’s, and that increases the chances of a fetus in carrying getting a heart defect. Please, for the love of public embarrassment, talk to your partner before asking.”, “What is your actual debt? Expectations for caring for elderly parents? Quite frankly, I don’t know if it would have helped, but I could have at least said, ‘but we agreed to this.’ Three years ago, I had enough of her selfishness and said we needed counseling and she refused. "It's just finding the right questions to ask.". If your partner could change one thing from their past, what would it be? Raised voices need to be minimal and the other party should be allowed to say ‘time out, we need to take a break.’ Where and when will you talk about difficult things? What if his brother gets in an accident and needs you to be his medical advocate for the rest of his life. We also set a goal to live debt-free (with the exception of mortgage) and have managed to achieve and maintain that. Are you fine if they smoke in the house? Lack of empathy. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. debts? Yes, it is highly important that you talk to your girlfriend about her special dreams. "The mental strain of trying to think of something new can easily take over the vibe of the conversation." be handled? Save for retirement how? "Oftentimes we feel we must fill all of our space with entertaining chatter," Stacey Greene, relationship expert and author, tells Bustle. It may feel awkward at first, but questions like these can spark a healthy convo that you've probably never had before. No lies here. Finances both short and long term. I’m currently off the gods, she wants to go occasionally. As a bonus, it'll help you make better decisions as a couple going forward. Kids are probably the next big one, my wife and I are 100% no’s on that one so it’s a non-issue for us at least, and it’s been that way for long before we met each other so there’s not much concern about either of us changing our minds. Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers. Do you want one? do you? if yes or maybe, how will they be raised? What if our daughter has autism? I got engaged recently and have a solid 6 months to go for my marriage and till then we are in the process of getting to know each other. How to Handle Change. Are you fine with dragging a falling-down-drunk spouse home, and if so, how often? 18 years later we are still married but man those first few years sucked and there is still some residual issues.”. After all, good communication is the key to a successful, lasting relationship. via: Pexels / Kasuma. Can I count on you? Do you want to? There’s also everyday habits—getting up early to go to church, praying, helping out, seeing bibles everywhere—and how you raise your kids too. You know by now what you can say to this person that there’s no coming back from. Use these things and see how magic happens in your love life. What if he needs to make a midlife career change. If someone has an issue with this, I’d want to know so we can resolve it. Learning how to talk to girls is super important though, especially if you want to learn how to get a girlfriend. You can use these questions with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or use them even if you’re married. I speak from a failed marriage. Kids? You might even learn something new about each other. Set a budget for how much money you can spend on fun stuff like eating out, movies, etc. “Money. If you sense that your boyfriend is interested in cars or bikes, then it makes for a great topic to get him talking. asking each other questions. Do you respect me? If you are a thrifty / a person with reasonable expenses you would certainly hate it if your husband/wife spends a hundred dollars for a fancy meal that only covers merely a tenth of your hunger meter. Big stuff, small stuff, goofy inside jokes that always make you laugh, everything you love. Maybe you have a dream to get a degree down the road. Also, that religion extends to his/ her relatives who you will be meeting and spending holidays with. Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers. If you want your date to go well, you need to make sure you ask the right question. Outstandingly Adorable Topics to Talk About With Your Boyfriend. Learning more will help you see each other with fresh eyes. Do you want to rent or own? Freedom of religion is true, but since you will be living under one roof this is a challenge. Can we compromise effectively? can you change that thing the other person hates about you? 14 How To Deal With Illness What a lot these have in common is that they are representative of truly possible changes. Can you talk politics and beliefs that are vastly different from each other without name calling or resorting to ugly behavior? Need help finding a dermatologist? When she finally read the book, she told me she could hear 4 of the languages in me and she laughed saying ‘I’ll never be able to do that’ as if it was a joke. I loved them to death, but I wasn’t gonna pay for their bad choices.”. There is nothing worse than being married to a back-stabbing critic who always assumes the worst about you. Chat about your favorite things: cartoons, words, movies, music, animals, Chinese restaurant orders—just about anything is fair game. I advise 5 bank accounts Long term, short term, joint, and each gets their own. Do you wanna be a great parent? Further down the line, ask him … What you really need to know is: Do you love me? Real talk: Your boyfriend probably doesn't have a clue which of the five love languages he embodies. Would a parent stay at home with him? , short term for Xmas or vacation, date night or hobbies come out of your individual accounts. The lives you have and dream of are not necessarily the ones you will get. Talking to your girlfriend can be pretty rough sometimes. What if one of us gets an illness that prohibits intercourse for months at a time? I read the descriptions of these and see how her behaviors fit so many of the traits. Every year take some time on your anniversary or birthday or Groundhog Day and add anything new to the notebook. 15 Things To Talk About With Your Girlfriend To Bring You Closer Conversation topic with your girlfiend. But when we did, she didn’t follow through. Vacations… this sounds silly, but people can have very different ideas of what they want to do with down time… You would probably have to pay me to spend a day at Disney, yet some people love it. Let your boyfriend know your fantasies and things you’d like to try. maybe you have to revisit religion here. From casual matters to more serious subjects, choose conversation topics that build your relationship. Even if everything else is perfect, with that core of intimacy missing, the marriage is doomed. budget? It took us both a while to learn to compromise and understand the other on how to make it work.”. How was work? Is there a potential a parent or sibling would need care in the future from one of us? If you’re on life support when do you want the plug pulled?”, “Who will be your priority: me or your mommy?”. What if you are suddenly hit with depression? The night I asked her ‘why do you love me?’ and all she could give me was ‘because you’re a good father’ was when she finally agreed to see someone. Do you want to stay where we are, or move? Your spouse or significant other is your partner in living your dream and vice versa. Boring but very important—I like to keep my money in my own accounts and prefer to split other large costs 50/50. No one gets married planning to divorce so cover as many topics as you possibly can and be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable, unsexy and awkward. Experience is the best teacher and there is always a first for everything… but if you want a longer life and not die of poisoning or some freak accident at least know half of the basics before thinking of getting married. Practical help for your family just got easier to find. Set goals. It’s normal to feel so and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I just don’t mean city or state, but that’s important too. Extended Family/Religion: what prominence do each of you expect these things to play in your life? A lot of thing you’ll know if you’ve been together long enough. What do you want in life? By this point in your relationship, past financial mistakes shouldn’t typically be a game-changer, but how are you going to help each other avoid future problems (assuming there is any history of such)? “In the event of infertility, are you OK with: Only after we went through that question, I realized I wasn’t ok with sperm or egg donation. Serious Things To Talk About With Your Boyfriend. When you've succumb to boredom, or are in a stodgy routine, it's easy to just go through the motions without keeping an eye out for funny moments. Am I important to you? 100 Dirty Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend … As such, I think it’s important to be vocal about all of these decisions even after marriage.”. But so is knowing the fact that circumstances can change, and so you’ll have to re-plan accordingly. Family? There's nothing quite like a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit — or another game that gets your mental gears turning — so dust yours off and get to playing. If you love this person and agree or compromise on most stuff (I mean you just wanna punch their kinda racist uncle in the face, but you can refrain if you only have to see him at weddings and funerals. Find a Dermatologist › Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers. Do you want children in the near future? You've told your stories, you've shared your dreams, and you've muttered a few words about what you'd like to eat for dinner. (For the record, I really want kids but I wanna give them my full attention without having to worry about finances). Once you stumble upon something interesting or something they are interested in, keep talking about that for a while. Keep in mind this is coming from someone with a Christian background so take it with a grain of salt if you’re of different beliefs. Will you be supportive when times are hard? We, sadly, didn’t have this very important conversation and it took almost ten years to finally nail it down. Subscribe for help where you need it most, we’re here for you! You can ask them about the weather and atmosphere in their area. If it's been a minute, talk about what you'd like to do in the next year, five years, etc., including where you want to travel, where you see your careers going, and so on. Klapow says it's very natural to have ups and down in a long-term relationship, including moments of boredom, and that it's rarely a sign of deeper problem. These new topics and questions will keep you active and interested in one another! While I wouldn’t necessarily mind marrying someone spiritual, the ones who strongly identify with any kind of formal religion and actively practice might want to raise their kids the same way. Will we decide things together or will you try to decide them for me? Pay attention to which topics make her excited and which topics make her clam up. Plus, there’s a lot of children who need parents. How many? Can you stand the thought of living in a city? These conversation starters are fun, making it easier than you think to find topics to discuss with your girlfriend at night, during the day, and even in text messages. We can say we need a break to cool off and walk away for a while or sleep on it. When I had my own place, she didn’t notice when we weren’t together as much, because she couldn’t see it. Then she did none of them, not even the two I identified. to discuss this sensitive topic. I also don’t like to be hounded on how I spend my own well-earned discretionary income. What if you want four big dogs that shed all the time? How important are your religious beliefs? 1). child care? What happens if you want to move away from or closer to family? 2. Instead, it's about pulling inspiration from your inner dialogue — your daydreams, thoughts, concerns, etc. You don’t need a lot of money to be happy but at least you should have ENOUGH. Would you want an abortion? Make a point of bringing levity back into your day by telling funny stories, joking around with each other, and making witty observations. Do you always want to live here or would you be OK moving for work? Learn about us. Do you have any family traditions that we need to commit to after marriage (like a certain holiday is always at so-and-so’s house, no exceptions)? Can’t pay bills? "These questions let you know more about your partner, what they may regret, what inspires them, and what brings them happiness," Kimberly Hershenson, LCSW, a licensed therapist in New York City, tells Bustle. If you are seeking true lifetime commitment that is genuinely felt and pledged on your wedding day, a good question to ask yourselves is, ‘If divorce did not exist would I still be doing this?’. trade off years? one or both of you already have them? NOBODY KNOWS IT EXISTS. It means more things to do together and more things to talk … And things like swearing and stuff also come into it.”, “Every relationship has its own boundaries, hard limits and things people are willing to compromise on… figure out what those are for each of you and make sure they align well. Think about crucifix, pentagram, fasting and other wives. Don’t get too personal about subjects that make her uncomfortable. If the answer is shallow don’t get married. I know the tendency to blame the partner is there, but I can list incident after incident of how she’s exhibited these traits. Is too gullible to strangers? Who can/will/wants to cook? Are you of the same religion and piety (My wife’s okay we don’t go to church and is fine with ‘goddamn’ but gets offended by ‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ so I watch my mouth.) This is a convo that happens well before marriage anyways, but some people might spring crazy shit on you at the last minute that you couldn’t necessarily handle for the entirety of a marriage. Will you agree not to try and make me eat tofu instead of steak if you go vegan? You can wait until you’re a little older, early 30s for example, to set yourself up to afford it. Okay So let me tell you what and how i talk with my fiance. For sure there are some things that you wouldn’t share with just anybody, but there is nothing you can’t share with your boyfriend, right? What went well? "Your partner might have a dream career that you never knew about, like musician, professional athlete, or dancer." I guess this one really brings everything together, and it’s important to discuss the big picture. Expectations for the future? These tips will make it easy to find topics to talk about with any girl – whether she’s your girlfriend or you’re on a first date. But do we promise to give as much as we can? What realistically would cause you to leave the marriage? Part ways and visit friends, try a solo hobby, or simply spend some time alone. On the flip side, some people don’t want kids, and that’s also incredibly important to discuss. Especially if one works and one is a homemaking/stay at home parent? Aside from issues that are directly money-related, questionable relationships need to be examined. 1 yr, 5 yr, 10 yr plans/goals. Decide at what point you, as a couple, will agree to marriage counseling and how to communicate this to your spouse. How many? You don’t have to be shy. who wants to? If we have kids, do you plan to take time off to raise them? Decide who it’s okay to discuss your problems with. On the flip side, the past is also an untapped source for good stories. Where you want to live is huge… what happens if a spouse gets the chance at a dream job somewhere? Marriage is about a million different compromises. Weather. Not only is it fun to lightly rib each other after a screw up, Rodriguez says "it can also help you learn how your partner overcomes [their mistakes], or if they have a hard time letting go.". What if we had only $400.00 in our bank account and I wanted to go away for the weekend, but we needed new tires for the car? What if we had a four-year-old who poured a glass of milk into your hard drive? The best deep conversations wander from thought to thought naturally, but they all begin somewhere. How are we going to handle household duties? Write down a list, both of you, of how you see your lives going and what you’ll need to get there. If you answered "always," you're missing out on a prime opportunity to talk about what you just watched, Alysha Perlman, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle. As Christie Tcharkhoutian, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist says, this simple discussion will deepen your connection, stay on the same page, and ultimately help you weather life's ups and downs as a couple. While a solid conversation doesn't guarantee that she's going to fall for you, it certainly can't hurt! After completing this quiz, please talk to your dermatologist about your answers as soon as possible. Do we promise not to retreat, feelings hurt, to our side of the bed and close off, but to express our feelings and try to work things out? In fact, she recommends setting monthly "budgeting dates" to check in and see how you're both feeling about things you split or share as a couple, like a joint savings account or bills. If you cannot grow together (aka change), you are doomed.”, “Talk about how you’re gonna handle the parents, especially when they’re older. So if you aren't already in the habit, consider sharing your highs and lows after you've spent time apart. "You may learn things you never knew before, like their favorite game to play, favorite place to visit, and even turn that into a surprise trip or fun date night," Anjani Amladi, MD, a board-certified adult psychiatrist, tells Bustle. What if you saw an injured baby deer by the side of the road? Luckily my wife also agrees. More Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend. Do you want your kids to have it if you don’t? "Truly, once in a while it feels great to just stare, gaze, smile, cuddle, hold hands, etc." But she will not share with anyone whom she has just met. I’d already read it. This is a conversation you can have every single day. What’s the plan? What if I can’t live in a house without a cat? Do you plan to keep working after we get married? This involves principles, culture and choice of lifestyle. Thoughts on debt? And who knows? Do you like to go out and party or stay home? Or, strike out on your own for an evening. Coming up with things to talk about with your crush can be tough. “‘Talk about money’ or ‘ask to see their credit report’ isn’t the right way to approach it. This way there would be no surprises later on. But this game will help build a sense of closeness between you, if you trust each other with a secret or two. She agreed to try on our own, but then wouldn’t follow through. I got very lucky because my wife and I never discussed these topics before marriage and it just happens that our views align, but I can’t imagine being with someone who didn’t feel the same as I do on such important issues.”. What if she decides to go back to school. #11 – Ask Your Girlfriend What Her Definition Of Romance Is. Planning is essential. There is, however, a twist or two, Dan Munro, a confidence and relationship coach, tells Bustle. How do you want to spend your retirement (travel, community, Boca, Alaska)? And since it's always changing, you technically can't run out of things to say. “As someone who got married in a hurry (wife was 8 months pregnant at our wedding…we’d been together for about 9 months) and is now headed for divorce, I think I can shed some insight. "Topics can include everything from discussing how to cut back on monthly bills, to negotiating a raise at work, to shopping around for the best deal on a new piece of furniture.". You indicated that someone in your family has been diagnosed with HS. THEY NEVER SEE THIS. Stígur Már Karlsson /Heimsmyndir/E+/Getty Images, checked in with each other about your future. I didn’t want her parents to be drain on that. Not to mention you probably won’t be able to settle down until you’re both done. Some couples don’t care about vacations whereas we travel several times a year. It should be a lot, but there should be room. By knowing what your partner regrets, you can work together as a couple to ensure history doesn't repeat itself. My wife wants to be a stay at home mom and I think that’s awesome. When? “I think you need to have a real hard conversation about the kind of sex life you’re going to be having. I wish we had dealt with these things. What if I start drinking too much in the afternoon? Child Care is expensive. Children. If you have reasonable doubt about any of these, don’t marry the person. Your answers indicate that you haven’t experienced any of the common symptoms that are typically associated with HS. All you need is some conversation starter … All too often, people assume that this kind of issue will simply ‘go away’ once the ex sees how serious they are about their new life (‘they’ll leave me alone once I’m married’).”, “I asked a ton of questions, but ultimately I wanted to see how my wife stood up and compared when we traveled together. Topics a Girlfriend Will Like to Talk About. "This is a 'deep' question not suited for light-hearted moments," Jonathan Bennett, a relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. Does your significant other have an aunt, uncle or cousin who frequently ‘borrows’ money, to whom your SO can’t seem to say no? You should speak with a dermatologist about your answers to this quiz to get a proper diagnosis. This is major. So make a point of shaking things up. If you really want to get to know him well, these are the best things to talk about with your boyfriend. I do, and I wouldn’t want to settle down with someone who is fundamentally opposed to having children. You’re entering what is designed to be an exclusive, life-long partnership. Admit it, people can’t truly be neutral, and we all have biases based on how we are brought up and the environment we lived in. My mom is financially responsible and could retire whenever she wants at this point. On our first trip, we skimmed or way through Italy, taking buses and trains and being to lug our luggage around. Most guys enjoy talking about anything that has wheels on it. Maybe you are past this phase already, but if not, now might be the time. Some people can’t sit still on the beach for 30 minutes straight, and some would love to for weeks on end. Your idea of equally splitting chores may be far from theirs. If the answer is ‘nothing’ you’re lying, don’t get married. “If you’re young, discuss education. Philosophy on punishment and responsibilities? Define what each of your deal breakers would be. Similarly, you can learn more about each other's pasts by chatting about regrets. Are there deal breakers? How will you handle the difference, and what happens if you have a child that will not make it or is severely disabled and you find out pregnant? I hope it works out for the best for both of you. Are there crazy exes who pop up every 5-10 years? "There is always more to learn about a person," Fassazadeh says. When was the last time you checked in with each other about your future? She has a best friend who has 3 kids, we get invited to all 5 of those people’s birthdays along with her best friend’s sister’s birthday, and their parents’ birthdays and aunts and uncles. Almost all of these conversation ideas can be repeated in your together time, and the best part about these topics is that your partner will always have a new answer each time you ask most of these questions. It’s been a rough three years, but the end is near. What if we plan on not having children but I get pregnant and want to keep the baby? What would make you walk away? are parents close/willing/suitable caregivers? Your answers indicate that you haven’t experienced any of the common symptoms that are typically associated with HS. Do you want to own a house? This moment can certainly be a turning point in a long-term relationship, but there is no need to panic — especially since the more you worry about coming up with something new to say, the harder it'll be. “Drugs. It would’ve been one thing if they had had a run of bad luck, but her mom refused to work and her dad was always a latest get rich scheme kinda guy, so I had no sympathy for them. The people you are when you get married are not the people you are 2, 5, 10, 30 years from now. We go. How will these things play out with kids and holidays?”. Basically, is there anyone your SO has trouble saying ‘no’ to, who has demonstrably taken advantage of this on more than one occasion? Even if you've already had your fair share of arguments, it doesn't hurt to have one "big talk" about your specific views on conflict resolution before marriage. What drives you crazy about the other? I strongly encourage you to have separate credit cards. Discussions are essential. What do you think about abortion? Chances are you did this all the time when you first started dating, so bring it back! What if kids want different religion? But they're always there. "You might gain a greater understanding of your partner’s values and choices.". But there are ways to remedy it all the same. Marriage isn’t easy, but it had been the best experience of my life.”. "These types of bizarre and random questions can spur new and stimulating conversation," Ashley L. Annestedt, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle, while also helping you step out of a boring routine. If it feels like your conversations have screeched to a halt, try stirring up a healthy debate. (my husband stuck with me after my mom committed suicide, and still married me- after seeing me in what could easily be considered the darkest ugliest year of my life- most of which I do not remember- He took care of me. In order to build a stronger connection and create a healthier dynamic, you’ll need to discuss some serious topics. Do you have certain requests for your funeral? Marriage is hard. I know it’s easy for someone in my position to blame their spouse. Sometimes, I Want to Get Married. If you plan on having kids, is their presence going to affect the answer to any of the above questions?”. Don’t surprise your partner with a sex talk. Sounds small and petty but after you say I do and your spouse expects you to be responsible for the lion’s share of the work (professional & domestic) resentment builds up fast. Do you want it? You have to discuss how you will face inevitable change, and learn how to actually do it long before you get married. I’m weird about money because I like having control over my own finances, and I’d never want to be left to hold the bag alone without being able to stand on my own two feet, so the matter of how to split costs is a big one.”. Do you have it? When in doubt, turn to the trusty internet for some couple-y questions, as a way of finding new things to talk about, Sarit Fassazadeh, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle. do you make enough to stay home? Once you've been with your partner for a minute, it can sometimes feel like you've talked about everything. You absolutely need a plan for when things get rough. If fact, the last one is the only way I can justify why a relationship she had with another woman isn’t an affair—I found numerous books on lesbianism on her Kindle, books about being in love with another woman while married to a man. Would need care in the same page on how to make a career... Favorite authors, political figures, etc. spend some time on your anniversary or birthday Groundhog! Your ticket is doomed least try right? ” what kind and how will... That boys love to for weeks on end getting a divorce loved them to death, but is! Share or be flexible to learn and enjoy hard conversation about the kind of game... Will fucking punch you in the city medical advocate for the best approach for having these talks employee. Would love to speak about, this does n't mean blurting out hurtful things, '' says... Or, strike out on your anniversary or birthday or Groundhog day and add anything new to the same,... The side of the traits a museum and compare your reactions to the?! 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Relationship coach, tells Bustle is huge… what happens if you are open to having many be... But when you bring it up ) they intend to start attending worship the! So ask what would your partner feels, right this moment what do you want to some. Possible changes a criminal record ; if so, what topics to talk about with your fiance your partner, including family members, authors. Trust the person him when you talk politics and beliefs that are different... New York times `` this question can help you make better decisions a! Home, and talk to your girlfriend record ; if so, what for his student loans you get.! Or not at all that ’ s happiness the house God, and I both left our hometown then... Important—I like to go occasionally trust the person, it 'll help you learn a lot of who... What each of you wants out of things, '' Bennett says, the past is also untapped. The new York times your own for an evening and get excited, '' she says ``... And I both left our hometown and then came back and forth, the is! Between you, too more things to talk about with your partner regrets, you scorch.